Failure isn't Fatal - Reflections on failure & success
I’m in the process of hitting body breakdown again, for the 10th time in the past 8 months. Feeling the pressures of running my business in a different way. Practicing and mastering skills I didn’t previously have. Hitting walls and clearing what created them. Releasing old beliefs and patterns on a much deeper level. Finding out who I really am and what my message is. Allowing things to evolve on a daily basis. And sometimes beating myself up or comparing myself to others who are farther along on the path. It’s bliss one day and the dumps, the next.
My daughter coaches me on allowing myself to feel and to stay in the present moment. My business coach tells me to stay focused on one thing at a time, to change my mindset and to stay present. My soulmate coaches me on the perfection of who I am right now in this moment, staying present and getting out into the public more for some human contact. He tells me I’m f*#@ing awesome.
I look at who I am and who I want to be. I intuitively feel that there still may be some remnants of needing to feel accepted, acknowledged, appreciated, valued. But in reality, all of those things have to come from within. I take time to examine those thoughts and clear them. If I’m working for God and I’m a messenger, then I’m already loved and accepted. That should be enough. My soul purpose and reason for being on the planet is to help others, to serve. My spiritual contribution.
Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj says, “No ambition is spiritual. All ambitions are for the sake of the ‘I am.’ If you want to make real progress, you must give up all ideas of personal attainment. The ambitions of the so-called Yogis are preposterous. A man’s desire for a woman is innocence itself compared to the lusting for an everlasting personal bliss. The mind is a cheat. The more pious it seems, the worse the betrayal.”
I really begin to look at why all of us fall into the nasty habit of beating ourselves up. As for me, I realize I still have some expectations and attachments. I want to, need to, must do certain things by a certain time. Or achieve a certain level of prosperity and recognition. It all has to be done in a certain way.
I look at all of the programs and coaches available online. They promise to deliver “the secrets of” how to fall in love. Or how to create a more profitable business. Or how to lose weight. Or how to blog or write a book. It seems they all believe that their way is the best. I’ve already spent my life savings on programs, certifications and processes. But I wonder if maybe I missed something and should sign up to do a few more.
Maybe one of them has the “magic pill” I already know doesn’t exist.
I sign up for a few more free webinars, hoping to gain some more insight and clarity. As a life coach, I love learning and gaining new wisdom. But after I listen to many of the visible and up-and-coming coaches, writers and gurus, I feel disappointed. I learn nothing new. In fact, everything they're teaching is pretty much exactly what I teach. I realize in that moment that we’re all teaching the same truths. There really IS nothing new under the sun.
So why do I feel such discomfort? Why are there days I feel like a failure and everyone except me seems successful? What is it we're chasing, anyway?
I've had a successful singing career for almost 40 years. I’m a successful parent. I have successfully cleared many of my self-sabotaging behaviors around relationships and love, and have attracted a beautiful, conscious man into my life. I write, teach, speak, create and connect, successfully every day. I successfully coach clients. I am committed to following my path, wherever it goes. We've all experienced these kinds of successes. So what is this thing called failure that seems to nag at most of us at one time or another?
I love going back and rereading about all of the geniuses throughout the generations. The ones who experienced deep rejection and failure, time and time again during their lives. Most especially because they all ended up experiencing huge successes at some point. And I stop to think about all the things we might not have (insight, wisdom, achievements and inventions) if they would’ve given up on their visions. If they would’ve allowed their “walls” to stop them in their tracks or their depression to close them down forever. Read these amazing stories below.
From Onlinecollege.org:
Henry Ford: While Ford is today known for his innovative assembly line and American-made cars, he wasn't an instant success. In fact, his early businesses failed and left him broke five times before he founded the successful Ford Motor Company.
R. H. Macy: Most people are familiar with this large department store chain, but Macy didn't always have it easy. Macy started seven failed business before finally hitting big with his store in New York City.
F. W. Woolworth: Some may not know this name today, but Woolworth was once one of the biggest names in department stores in the U.S. Before starting his own business, young Woolworth worked at a dry goods store and was not allowed to wait on customers because his boss said he lacked the sense needed to do so.
Soichiro Honda: The billion-dollar business that is Honda began with a series of failures and fortunate turns of luck. Honda was turned down by Toyota Motor Corporation for a job after interviewing for a job as an engineer, leaving him jobless for quite some time. He started making scooters of his own at home, and spurred on by his neighbors, finally started his own business.
Akio Morita: You may not have heard of Morita but you've undoubtedly heard of his company, Sony. Sony's first product was a rice cooker that unfortunately didn't cook rice so much as burn it, selling less than 100 units. This first setback didn't stop Morita and his partners as they pushed forward to create a multi-billion dollar company.
Bill Gates: Gates didn't seem like a shoe-in for success after dropping out of Harvard and starting a failed first business with Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen called Traf-O-Data. While this early idea didn't work, Gates' later work did, creating the global empire that is Microsoft.
Harland David Sanders: Perhaps better known as Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken fame, Sanders had a hard time selling his chicken at first. In fact, his famous secret chicken recipe was rejected 1,009 times before a restaurant accepted it.
Walt Disney: Today Disney rakes in billions from merchandise, movies and theme parks around the world, but Walt Disney himself had a bit of a rough start. He was fired by a newspaper editor because, "he lacked imagination and had no good ideas." After that, Disney started a number of businesses that didn't last too long and ended with bankruptcy and failure. (He was turned down over 300 times) He kept plugging along, however, and eventually found a recipe for success that worked.
Enjoy the rest of this beautiful, insightful article and see the names of writers, inventors, actors – 50 famous people in all, who experienced failure before success.
“Few of our own failures are fatal,” economist and Financial Times columnist Tim Harford writes in his new book, Adapt: Why Success Always Starts With Failure.
From a “Happy Pocket Full of Money” –
“Through failure, you learn how to succeed. By trying and failing, you refine your thought and point it ever closer to success. But this is only so if you do not give up.
-Failure is an integral part of success. Failure is actually a successive moment that leads to ultimate success. Failure is not the opposite of success, a separate entity from success. Failure IS success. They are the same things but are on different ends of that spectrum, the spectrum of achievement.
– Failure and success are both different vibrations of the same thing.
– Failure is not failure as such. It is only truly failure when you accept it as the end. But if you accept is as a blessed part of the process, a part that helps you succeed further and know what this further success tastes like, then you can never ever possibly fail, ever. Failure is an illusion. Stop fearing it; love it for the gifts it brings you.”
So what makes successful people, successful? Especially after they experience setbacks, defeat, rejection, self-doubt and more. Do they really fail? What makes them move forward?
Do you remember my summit “Awaken Your Core Fire?” Well, that’s pretty much it. We all have it. A deep inner core fire, a flame. And it’s a faithful partner along life’s journey. From the novice who hasn’t found themselves or their life’s purpose to the most seasoned, visible coaches in the industry. It also goes for every enlightened master. Everyone experiences failure and success. You can’t have one without the other. Just as you can’t know what love is without having known hate, the same goes for this pair. Two different experiences carrying a different charge – but the exact same things on opposite ends of the spectrum. Think of a thermometer with the highs on one end and the lows on the other. You can’t have positive without the negative. Duality is a Universal law.
And since that’s true, each experience, whether we deem it positive or negative, is a gift. We came here to experience our feelings, emotions, senses, intellect and inner knowing, and that’s what we must do. We came here to forget who we think we are and remember the truth of our being. We can only evolve through experience. To hide from it doesn’t stop it from happening. Life will find you.
We’ve all experienced those extreme swings of emotion in the moment. The bliss of our child being born. The anticipation of getting married for the first time. The deep satisfaction of achievement, success and recognition. On the flip side…. The devastation of a failed marriage and divorce. Losing a business you’ve worked hard to build. Losing your reputation due to a mistake or by being wrongfully accused. Starting a project and losing your vision and inspiration. All opposites of the same thing.
We’ve all had moments of feeling on top of the world, and moments of total and utter despair.
We have a choice. We have all we need within us to come through these moments. Each of us has an inner fire that can be accessed, cultivated and relied upon. And we are all God in human form. That means there’s nothing we can’t do, overcome, or get to. That means if we stop long enough to ask, then listen for an answer, we’ll be provided with all we need. And usually not in our timing, but in the right time. We get to make a decision for or against ourselves.
And don’t forget, we are never alone. We also have access to friends, therapists, mentors and coaches, books and tapes, meditation, spiritual communities and processes that can help us to change our self-talk, support and inspire us. We can always find usable tools that we can commit to using on a daily basis to move us through the natural ebb and flow of up and down, “good and bad,” happy and sad, failure and success.
If we can step into our power, allow things to line up and take any necessary actions, we will always see light at the end of the tunnel. We’ll always get the answers we need. If we surround ourselves with others who love and support us, believe in us and who can guide us when we have trouble seeing our own truth, we will break through.
And when we finally break through, the realization of our own strength enables us to share our stories with others. This is why I share my experiences with you. These are the things that help others with their journey. It’s a beautiful circle. We are all one.
So today, focus on where you stand right now. Give thanks for being given the gift of this miraculous physical journey. For being given the opportunity to learn to love, feel, do and be. Thank those who have made mistakes or who have experienced failures before you, in order to help YOU break through. Be grateful that you’re evolving toward a higher level of consciousness.
If you’ve just “failed” at something, celebrate!! Learn whatever lesson is presenting itself and how you can do better the next time. Without this failure or mistake, you can’t become the best version of yourself. Life is one big practice. So PRACTICE. And if you’re experiencing success, celebrate! Feel how good it feels. Stay in integrity and move forward.
At some point, you’ll have the opportunity to fail, learn, grow and succeed again. And one last important point. The way you perceive things is what gives them power. What you believe is what you receive. Don’t EVER buy into the idea that failure is bad and success is good. Don't label your experiences. They are both beautiful and necessary aspects of what you call your life. Be courageous and step into every juicy piece of this life you’ve been given. Start living your life ON FIRE, right now, no matter what and watch what happens.
As for me, it's "back to the drawing board," continuing to ride the wave, move forward and trusting in the Universe's perfect timing. It's a treasure hunt. A journey of discovery. And as long as I'm living and breathing, I have the honor and joy of digging up new gems every day. As long as I see it that way.
And so, I just have to end with a quote from the late, great Wayne Dyer:
"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
Keep moving. :)
